Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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