I wanna bring you to show and tell
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
