Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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