Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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