end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
That accounts for only three of the penises
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
