im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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