We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
