you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
