you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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