Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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