Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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