How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
