somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
