My room smells like vodka and shame
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
