Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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