I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
