There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
