Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
