YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
