Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
