never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
