The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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