Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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