Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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