Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
