Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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