It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
