i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize