making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
