I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
