I cannot find my penis.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
