And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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