mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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