i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
PANTIES FOUND
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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