i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize