I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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