she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
True strength comes from lack of pants
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