I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
