i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
