Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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