ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
