I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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