Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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