Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
