Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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