Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
3pm strippers are depressing
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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