sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
