connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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