Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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