I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Mom said you looked used
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
