I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I party with great urgency now.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
