Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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