I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
