Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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