I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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