Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
