I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
