Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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