Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
