I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
