I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This is my gift to your gina
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
