i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
