you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize