He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
