I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize