he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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