Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
