I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
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