Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize