i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
