Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
