can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
