new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
